With the oldest child, there is a lot of trial-and-error parenting — new parents are learning how to raise their firstborn and don’t yet have the knowledge that they’ll bring to raising their younger children, said Altheresa Clarka licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Inspire4Purpose in Florida.
This may mean oldest children have to deal with extreme parenting styles, like a strict upbringing with lots of rules and expectations. “So, how that translates to the oldest child, they now have to grow up and there are a lot of expectations. A lot of times [this creates a] Type A personality where they become perfectionists,” Clark said.
Clark said she helps her oldest-sibling patients connect the dots and dismantle the perfectionist belief systems that have been with them for decades. “We’re helping them say, well, your parent was hard on you as the oldest child, which then translated as you had to be the best, you’re a perfectionist, you’re very self-critical.”
It’s important for oldest siblings to realize this connection to be easier on themselves when they don’t meet their high expectations, she said.
“If they don’t show up the way their parents enforced in them, they’re very, very hard on themselves,” Clark said.
